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I’ve been ranting on and on about the misery that’s eating me, I can’t help it I just can’t seem to stop. Am to work now, I’d still space out every now and then. I still cried every night before I go to sleep, I keep playing A Song For Mama over and over. I plainly haven’t moved on and though am going through the motions, I go to work, I do my own laundry now, I prepare my own food now but its like a pre programmed tasks a newly fueled automaton performs. People asked me how I am, God, if they could just stop. I know they mean well but they’re not helping at all. It’s the toughest question ever asked to me and I have no idea where to even being in answering it. Its like only those who really care can ask me that, but please don’t ask if its just for the sake of asking. Some ask what they can do the help, the answer is simple, nothing, they can’t bring back the dead. I’ve sunk deeper than I ever was in my own web of loneliness and misery and no one can seem to pull me out, damn I can’t even pull myself out. Friends used to say am strong, yeah so strong cause they’ve never seen me cry, they know I cried cause of my eyes and all that but actual tears falling from eyes, they haven’t seen that. They’ll never see that. *sigh* not only am I miserable for what I lost but being in the company of my good for nothing uncle is close to saying life for me right now is just plain hellish. He gets drunk when am not around, invites his drinking buddies home and who knows what else. Am miserable, am alone, am scared, am lost and I have no idea what to do about it.
