Matters of the Heart
We had our LM earlier after our second break … was quite surprised when I got a 95 (2 mistakes) when I didn’t have any sleep at all and was never able to even read just one page of our manual. In the middle of the exam Penny had to hit me in the arm cause I fell asleep.
I told Diva, matters of the heart are always confusing when he asked why I didn’t have any sleep. Well now that Mitchy knows, being the “Ate” that she is to me … she has given me insights in black and white. Funny how words seem to flow through me when I told her (through typing of course), she said … you know what Weng, don’t say yes to any of them if in the end you’ll be looking at the other direction. Maybe he’s still in denial and thats cause of you… something you said, something you did that must have set him off (she said).
Guess you’ll never realize what you’ve lost till its too late, but then again just as she said … maybe it was never meant to be, when I felt stupid for what I might have done, she said it wasn’t my fault (though I feel it is) coz if the person truly likes you he would have tried again but instead he said something with that sense of finality and closure, so ironic how he somehow seem to change and give up when I would have said yes.
Oh well, what’s done is done and there’s nothing I can do about it … people’s emotions change and his might have changed at the same time mine has … too bad they’re going the opposite direction and will never meet half way. As far as I can tell were friends and I guess thats all that should matter.
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Am not sure if am putting meaning (again!!!) to words and actions when there shouldn’t be any but just as Mitchy said it would be nice if I have a clear udnerstanding of whats going on between the two of us. As far as am concerned, we’re friends but people who saw the gesture seemed to think otherwise. She asked me who exactly do I want … wasn’t able to answer but then again why bother… just realized how unfair things can be for him if I settle with him knowing he adores me … and how unfair the setup can be for me knowing that my mind would always wander somewhere else even when am with him.
So the solution —- things will be clearer and better in due time, so for now … I’ll just shut up and take one day at a time and let fate take its course.
getting a 95 on an exam without sleep is pretty impressive. sleep is good.
good night.
Comment by meepmoopmeep — February 1, 2008 @ 5:15 pm
thanks meepmoopmeep, with all the dilemma am currently facing ,,, its a wonder why I passed. But am thankful just the same
Comment by My Pink Shoelace — February 1, 2008 @ 11:10 pm