Short Lived
Didn’t have any sleep at all yesterday … after shift went straight home only to find myself spaced out for 4 hours, doing nothing but stare blankly at my notebook’s screen. Four hours of non productivity, this happens to me every now and then, it has been sorta frequent since mom passed away. My uncle knew what was going on since the song played during mom’s funeral kept on playing over and over. It was the only song on my playlist and I had it set to playback.
And I thought things like these don’t happen to people, that its purely controllable but damn, now that it happened to me .. am able to relate to those people experiencing a downhill pattern emotionally. When happiness is short lived and a single teeny weeny incident can interrupt it and start the depression pattern all over. Bunny used to say only I can help myself … guess thats true, am trying my damnedest and for a while I thought things are gonna be okay … I was happier and bubblier than usual and thought that’d last, that it’d be the start of my moving on.
But somehow things are not meant to be that easy for me, when I went to work yesterday there’s that deafening silence constantly accompanying me, was restless and just plain bothered. The only consolation I got was the solution to my dilemma pertaining to my summer class, Momie Lai said that I go plot my LOA as early as yesterday, anyways I can cancel it anytime … was glad that she’s allowing me to do it. Not only do I need to go to school … but I need to get away … from the floor , its people, … my emotions are constantly on a riot that at times I felt so choked…. I had to get away even if only for a while.
And hopefully when I come back … I wouldn’t be feeling this way … and seeing him,them, all of ‘em would no longer cause this turbulent rush of unknown emotions.
Why can’t I have what I want even just for once?
| 2.5 |
My Pink Shoelace @ 4:31 pm 
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