The thought just hit my head when I remembered him, he told me a year ago about this song that caught him crying as it played on the radio while he was driving. He sent it as a file to my email I never bothered to listen to it back then as it was a reminder of a cruel someone who’s got the same name as mine.
This song just came up to mind out of the blue, digged it up from You Tube and listened to it over and over. This goes out to all those fathers and mothers who did the unspeakable.
Thats what I told him and he said, “You wouldn’t want this, I thought I did but now am not sure”. He’s mad and his emotions are on the extreme making him say things I know he’ll regret the moment he’s calmer and has taken control of his emotions. This is not the only time he’s told me of their fights and I hate it when he’d say things about giving up on her, on them. Am not the world’s greatest optimist but when it comes to him, to her, to their relationship, the positivist in me takes full force. I saw what he did, I know what he’s done to win her heart, I know how he feels about her, heck I’ve seen happiness in him with her thats why I believe all of these are just tests, ugly phases every couple has to face in the relationship.
I sound like a freaking, marriage counselor grrr … when I don’t have any to get my insights from but I’m such a nutcase over love and him and her is just like … a fairytale come true, and just like every fairytale there’s that wicked someone … that devilish rogue and a whole lot more thats why I keep telling him, you love her she loves you thats all that matter.
Apparently its now and we both know it. A part of me still clings to this fairytale romance that so long as there’s love things ought to work just fine. It scares me to see so much wrath in one chat session and am glad we weren’t talking face to face, he has always been the calm one so it was scary to read all those words and I realized no amount of positive vibe coz subdue him. He’s hurt and there’s nothing I can do about it.
What they’re going through, this rather very ugly phase, doesn’t change my mind and heart for wanting what they have. Someone told me, he’s looking forward to that day he won’t have to go home to an empty apartment and that there’ll be someone waiting for him to ask him about his day, to cook dinner for and to plan the future with, and I realized I want that too … to once again have a reason to look forward to going home, to have someone to share how my day’s like … trivial things like that. Maybe someday I’ll have that.
A colleague of mine just gave birth to a healthy baby girl and am so excited for them. Whew!!! babies are always nice and I saw the pics the husband posted in multiply, boy isn’t she adorable. Since its a baby girl I was thinking of baby cribs, pink ones and cute baby dolls and beddings. *Sigh* A friend of mine is already so eager to get married as she wants a baby of her own the problem is she hasn’t found a groom to be.
Got someone from work whose also a part time real estate agent and we’ve been setting up lil visit to their office so I can see the different House Plans they have. The current units they have which are selling like pancakes are townhouses, not only do I not like townhouses, its kinda creepy to know that my previous boss and the boss of my boss has taken units in that area. Plus I kinda specified that I want an individual detached unit, so for weeks now we’ve been rescheduling this visit, am excited to see what Home Plans they have but am pretty sure they’re all gonna be concrete unlike someone I know living in the states who just got herself a brochure showcasing Log home plans somewhere in the country side. Yeah, the white picket fence kind of home where she and her family would stay.
Am getting the phone that I’ve always wanted next week … weeee and as of now am checking on possible pouches to store it in plus a possible pouch for my zen and am thinking of getting RJ a protective case for her PSP, with all the searching I’ve done finally found Pacsafe now all I need to know is whether they ship to PI.
In the neighborhood where my friend Josh grew up he said drugs, weeds and whatever you call it is rampant … even before he started high school he already smoked by the time he finished high school he was what people call a drug addict. From syrups, marijuanas and cocaine … you name it he’s tried it … the sad thing about it is he knew what’s wrong with him but he can’t seem to stop. No, in his own words, he doesn’t have the strength to stop … he cannot deny the strong craving … so day in day out he did everything he can … stealing … robbery … everything just so he can buy whatever he needs to buy to satisfy his craving. He has grown thin, was never able to enroll for college, sunken eyes and cheeks. No longer the cute guy next door, but all that changed after 4 years of misery … at the age of 23 he was admitted for addiction treatment somewhere in Malibu. The location, our support, he’s will to overcome it … made the treatment smooth sailing. Now we have a totally reformed Josh, healthier than he was 4 years ago, happier than he ever was. He’s gone back to painting and arts … and to writing too, the staff at the local rehabilitation center has been very understanding and kind … making the place an easy environment for him. Can’t wait to see him when he’s treatment’s done … after all the pain he has gone through its high time for him to be with us … the people who cared and loved him the most.Can’t wait for you to come home bro …
Remembered getting that lingerie for A on her last birthday when I ran into this bustiers shop online, saw a couple that she would have loved but then I’ve already gotten her that so I need to look for another item for her coming birthday. *Sigh* Can’t believe we’re getting older again when I still act like a 12 year old. No wonder Lex refer to me as her twelve year old sister, the only thing I have to show is the masters degree am about to get.
I feel like a slob. But I plan to hit the gym as I feel I’m already too lazy and I’m slacking off without really finding anything to look forward to. I need to get some testosterone boosters to make me all pumped up and get ready to work out. At least with this exercising, it will be good for my health and my overall well-being. Of course, we just need to pair it with a balanced diet and we’re all good to go!
It was 1PM, finally am on with my last subject for the day, a good 1 hour of discussion as there’s the orientation program at 2PM that we need to attend. The discussion went smoothly with interaction from my classmates who were just more than willing to share their ideas … the usual me just keep mum. She did throw out a question, and luckily I was able to give out an answer but that didn’t stop her from sharing to the class her observation of me and my passive demeanor.
She said, ” I don’t mean to pry Ms. Yee but seeing you since the first day made me think that you’re one of those people who no matter how crowded the place is you’re somewhat alone with your thoughts if not lonely.” I was speechless, she continued, ” Don’t get me wrong I know you’re paying attention to the discussion and that you’re understanding it but it doesn’t stop me from seeing thats there’s more to that silence. Its like you’re lonely in a crowd”.
Now the class had their eyes on me and all I can do was smile, that must have been her cue as she resumed her discussion, stirring the topic away from me and back on the lesson at hand. It was eerie knowing how transparent I was to her despite me being a complete stranger. I wouldn’t mind hearing those words from friends who knew what I went through and am still going through but from her it was completely off balance.
She finished psychology and a doctoral on guidance and counseling and I “blame” that for her accurate, way too accurate insight. I’ll be seeing her again tomorrow and hopefully she wouldn’t venture the subject of me being lonely in a crowd again.
I hated my Chemistry subject when I was in my freshman year of college. I don’t really know, but it seems that atoms, molecules, sodium chloride, nitrogen sulfate *the list goes on and on) don’t seem to like me at all. These terminologies would just bounce back and repel from me when I encounter these them.
The only moment I enjoyed the class is because of my groupmates who were also a bunch of weirdos on their own right. We were tasked by our professor to create a report about Raw Polymers. However, all I remember is how we were able to survive that report. But one thing for sure I know about the topic, it’s commonly termed as “plastic”; and I guess that that’ll be what will stick on my head for a long time.
We were looking for chip sets, keyboard, mouse pad and computer memory online for buy and sell purposes. Ordered it online bring it back home and sell it among friends and peers at a decent price. Well that my friend’s business at the moment and since I love, love shopping I sorta assisted in searching online for these products that are sold at a cheaper price so he can resell them when he gets home. Hopefully I’d get a commission. (hehehe)
9 units for the summer is such a brain drain, especially if your professors knew to the core what they’re doing. My first class, all about the research process, is causing me terrible bouts of migraine but I welcome it. I’ve given her my problem, we have to select one of the three we’ve come up with and give out a brief rationale, you know just a draft. Showed her my work, (she has time for everybody) and she asked me questions that took me a while to figure out an answer. Its like being crossed-examined and she reminds me of a professor I had back then in the undergrad still in the same subject who offered me a scholarship in Literature for my masters which didn’t come to fruition seeing that am taking SPED instead.
Psychology and Guidance aint so bad but the professors kinda hellish, am given my topic already for discussion and boy doesn’t she have lots of requirements. What scares me is that this subject is s’pose to be taken alongside Intro to Special Education w/c unfortunately I have not enrolled. I’ll take it next semester, she said am taking a very high risk of taking Psych first but its all up to me.
She’s a challenge and I’ll prove to her I can do it, after all am on LOA, no work to worry about … only school, school, school … and the desire to graduate by March.
I sometimes wake up at the middle of the night wondering what happened in my dream, because I would often dream about my friends that are far beyond my reach or even just my sight. I can’t deny the fact that I miss them, in some way or another. I would sometimes imagine the idea of just buying a phone card and calling them just for the heck of it. But as always, it seems it will just be an elusive thought, not really bound to happen in the real sense. I don’t know really, if the problem is with me of wanting to connect myself back to these people who had been a part of my life or I’m just thinking way too much that I lose my sense in the process of reminiscing.
But going back to the dilemma, I don’t think I’m in that stage anymore, the “wanting things to be they were” stage. I figured that as one grows older, then everybody does as well. You don’t have to figure it out in the end; you just have to let it be. If you contradict time, there’s no use of wasting your effort because you need to move forward, not the other way around. So the question traces itself back, what’s keeping me from contacting them? I still don’t know.
My research class went pretty well, the professor’s brilliant with a few pronunciation glitches but her experience was pretty vast. The discussion was superb and though I still have problems keeping up, sleep and all (after close to two years of turning the clock around its hard to reverse it in a swing). In between yawning and a few head scratching then am able to understand what was discussed.
The first task was to come up with three possible problems that we might develop our output on. There’s not much of us in this class so the output is to be done individually, a research proposal submitted at the end of the course. Some of my classmates were having issues coming up with one let alone three but mine when she checked it, ’twas all an affirmative nod plus she just told me to develop all three. Was I just lucky or what?
I think I’ll ace this, she’s amazing and I still have my head firmly attached on my shoulders and with the big guy’s help I know I’ll make it.
With the calculations Jyn and I made, we might “graduate” this March given that I take 12 units (quite an overload) during the next two semesters. Am not even sure they’d allow me to take the Intensive Practicum w/ Technical Writing along side Inferential Stat and one Cognate course.
I still have 24 units remaining while Jyn has 21 … not really in a rush but more of wanting to learn more to escape, yeah thats the operative word, from this harsh reality.
car insurance is what one should be thinking the moment he/she fantasizes of getting one. Not only is it gonna be beneficiary should one encounter any accident but its like part of the whole me and my wheels kind of thing. The teens though kinda got this part neglected cause more or less they’re focused on getting their hands on that stirring wheel but then again should parents get their youngsters this big toys then they ought to provide insurance for it as well, who knows accidents kinda just lurk around the corner.
My first class was all about the Research Process, the professor arrived kinda late but thats the usual when its the first day of class. She has this homely face, a doctoral degree and a vast experience on research both in the academe and in public administration.
The usual chitchat went through the class the dreaded question of all times. The unending series of why’s … why’d you enroll in SPED and why enroll in the subject now? I have never been good at coming up with a last minute lie so I bluntly stated, it was in the prospectus and its was offered this summer so why not take it? (that question was rhetorical in nature). As far as studying SPED, I don’t know … to be honest with you am enrolling this summer hopefully to remember my reasons for studying again.
‘Twas a disaster, *sigh* if I can turn back time I would have said something else. The look on my professor’s face was utterly comical and pitiful at the same time. Somehow at the split second she was as lost as I was.
Hate it, feeling so lost in a limbo, am not even sure if what am doing is making any sense.
Got another class this afternoon: Psychology and Guidance Counseling in Special Education, and I have no idea what to expect but should I be asked the same why questions I already have the perfect alibi. Wouldn’t wanna make the same mistake again now, would I?
Was at school yesterday wrapping up my enrollment, Mykerts and Julius were also there. When I arrived they were already done, and Mykerts said she’s sticking to With Thesis because shifting is complicated, we have to wait for the dean (who’s still in Davao) to sign the changing form before we can proceed with the enrollment. When I asked the secretary she said I can have the department chair sign the form and then have my subjects plotted.
After we ate I was on my own and yes I transferred from With Thesis to Non Thesis with a very solid reason, mental incapacitation, who is the department chair to dispute that?
If all goes well, since this masteral program has 42 units and with the 9 units am taking now, that’d mean I’ve taken a total of 18 units already. So I’ll have 24 units and am done, most probably summer of next year. Mykerts and Julius want to pursue Doctoral degree in Education … am not sure I want to. But that could change, given my nature I might want to become an astronaut tomorrow.
Ever been a member of any social networks? Friendster and multiply? Then you might wanna join 3gb community www.3gb.biz where you can get in touch with friends from other networks, setup a blog, share music and photos and chat with them all in one site. Let me just fill out this form to get started.
The show on TV called Invasion Philippines about some of our boxers battling it out against some foreign counterparts was truly amazing. It’s also great since we won all the matches, I can’t believe how proud I am to be in this nation. I only wish I could be there to witness the bout, since I just came back from a trip down south and I wasn’t able to watch it. It would’ve been such a great and exhilarating event, especially if I were there. But then, there’s a much-awaited competition I’m looking forward to.
I saw some flyers on how to get some Mayweather/De La Hoya tickets. Acquiring some would be such a treat, especially if I can finally see a typical live action with some blood in between punches and uppercuts. I just hope it will not disappoint me at all.
To witness this long anticipated super fight against May weather and the Golden Boy of Mexico, Oscar De La Hoya is very exciting. I’m really planning, or maybe just hoping to be a spectator and finally see some blows up close. But maybe it’s just wishful thinking; still it doesn’t hurt to dream, right? If you plan to see the real thing, then I suggest you purchase some passes in advance. September is still far but it’s already close for some people.
There’s nothing more fascinating for me than a new gadget and to top off the list that would be laptop computers. Though I got one, a 14 inch notebook but getting a second 12.1 notebook wouldn’t do any harm now would it? Sleek and portable … that’d be a perfect treat for me. Run across a site that sells notebooks which offers free shipping but that perk is kinda tricky coz that might only apply for purchases within the US only, oh well I’ll have to find out for myself then.
Plotted my schedule earlier with Mykerts and Julius, was so glad to see them both as they constantly remind me of what I want for myself. Plus I honestly missed them … they’re only taking one subject this summer coz of work, so they chose Inferential Statistics every Saturday afternoon from 1:00 PM to 6:30 PM. Can’t imagine myself facing the teacher for 5 hours and a half, I think I’d collapse.
In my case since I applied for LOA for the sole purpose of furthering my learning (char!!!) am plotting 3 subjects, a total of 9 units … all of which were approved by our department chair. ‘Tis gonna be on a daily basis from Mondays through Fridays from 7:30 AM to 3:30 PM straight with a 30 minute lunch break. Was gonna take two subjects only (same as Jyn) but Mykerts said I should maximize my time so I followed her advise and here I am with my enrollment form filled out with my plotted subjects ready to pay tomorrow.
School would start Monday, am excited and scared at the same time but its a good thing, hopefully I’ll be able to regain my reasons for going back to school.
Met up with Bukie, Ching Ching and Wafa at the gym, they gave me a basic tour enticing me to sign up and join, am still thinking … hehehe after all am fickle-minded and could change my mind any minute.
On the way home I dropped by one of the malls here and ran into Lovely (an old friend) and her friend Debbie (who also works in a call center) and I found out that they wont be able to take the CPA board exams because they’re not able to meet the required average grade. *Sigh*, Lovely’s disappointed and scared at the same time, she cant imagine her parent’s reaction when she tells them. But I know they’ll understand … all parent’s almost always do.
When I was at work, my former colleague texted me saying I’ve been getting used to spending all my hard earned cash out of things that aren’t really necessary. Well, maybe they’re not necessary for him. However, he did prove a point when he asked me if I have any insurance and how many years I have been working for the company. I’ll be running two years this May and I still haven’t acquired any savings for myself. He introduced me to some insurance or time deposit plans.
As I was heading home, I also realized that our house doesn’t have any insurance. God forbid what will happen to us if we lose our house to some unforeseen accident or disaster. That’s why getting some of those warranties for the home is what I’m also contemplating about.
You can never be too careful because you will never know what will happen next. But with American Home Shield, you can definitely be rest assured that you can have something in return if you plan to purchase the different services that they offer. We do need some form of protection or assurance that everything will be alright in the end. At least with this they’ll get you and your house covered.
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Old people are so self-conscious nowadays; you never thought that they could also get vain when it’s supposed to be a sign of wisdom when one grows old. They feel that white hair is still okay, but getting wrinkles on what’s suppose to be fine lines are not. Well to use the best anti wrinkle cream would be nice, especially one that is affordable. They say you can never be too old to be young.
The perfect words never crossed my mind
‘Cause there was nothing in there but you
I felt every ounce of me screaming out
But the sound was trapped deep in me
All I’ve wanted just sped right past me
But I was rooted fast to the earth
I could be stuck here for a thousand years
Without your arms to drag me out
There you are, standing right in front of me
There you are, standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close ’cause I need you to guide me to safety
No, I don’t wanna wait forever
No, I don’t wanna wait forever
In the confusion and the aftermath
You are my signal fire
The only resolution and the only joy
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eye
There you are, standing right in front of me
There you are, standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close ’cause I need you to guide me to safety
There you are, standing right in front of me
There you are, standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close ’cause I need you to guide me to safety
No, I don’t wanna wait forever
No, I don’t wanna wait forever
No, I don’t wanna wait forever
Fire ants and termites are a pest that can plague any home in any location. The bites of this fire ants are not just plain nuisance but can be dangerous and quite painful. I’ve always been quite confused on the difference between ants and termites, to me they all looked the same, winged with antennae that bites or should I say stings. Now here’s a quick run down: ants – elbowed antennae; narrow (pinched) waistline; two pairs of Wings – front wings much longer; termites – straight, beaded antennae,broad waistline,two pairs of wings – equal length. Now its either both of them plague your homes incessantly but with Terminix just a few phone calls away they can be exterminated from your homes hassle free.
While I was still in Baguio I received a text message from my team lead informing the team of the details of our team building/bonding. Its gonna be on April 5 and 6 in Carmen Cebu, the place is called Rockview Resort, contribution would be 500 pesos and if you’re bringing someone else along that’d be an additional 400 pesos.
Didn’t know if I can make it at that time as I s’pose I’d still be in Siargao but with the change of plans I was able to make it. The place was under renovation but since Pennie I think knows the owners they let us use the place. The beach is ok and the rooms are quite nice.
The outing was fun, the usual drinking and videoke session. Jevy, Momie Lai, Druggie and Herbie arrived late afternoon while the others were either busy swimming, sleeping, talking or playing on Cyndi’s tablet pc. We had one cute visitor, the object of the “gays” attention, he’s the POC for My Toto from Manila so talking to him was kinda a drag for me. My tagalog is comparable to that of a first grader.
Didn’t frolic in the waters as am darker that I’ve ever been though I don’t mind but I’d much rather stare at the sea for long and get lost in it than drown in it.
Am back home, my uncle’s downstairs watching boxing and later I’d be visiting mom … missing her has grown more painful with each passing day. They said time would heal all wounds … how come I feel the pain growing and not subsiding?
My friend is having a baby and she’s trying out some shops that would cater to different dresses for the kid. She’s such a fashionista and she wants to pass that trait on to her would-be daughter. That’s why to find a good baby boutique around is a somewhat a tedious task at times, but at least I get to tag along. Seeing the sight of my friend excited makes me happy myself.
A lot of things are being done online now, bank transactions, shopping, credit card payments, payment for utilities and bills and who knows what else. Also school applications are being done online too what with emails being so readily available. So the same thing goes with financial institutions, payday loans online is kinda the solution to issues with “making both ends meet” scenarios. What people now do for convenience to save them the hassle of lining up at the office, they’d fill out the application forms online and get their whether its approved or not via email.
Come on, without you
I’ll never feel the love inside of me
Come On, you know that we belong
come on, come on, come on, come on
~ ’twas what’s on my mind … ben jelen singing you know that we belong … was about to say that to him but am afraid its just me who thinks we belong … so I seek for sleep in the comfort of his proximity wishing for the ride to go on forever ~
