My Pink Shoelace

Plan A - stick it out till the 5th year and continue working on my masters and up coming plan to take on another course.
Plan B - wait till everyone who owes me a dime or two at the office pay me back and scoot off.
Plan C - consider going back to my roots.

*** To be doing the same thing over and over is kinda depressing, guess you can say there are those moments when you just wish for things to be different.

*** I made a huge mistake of purchasing plane tickets for Davao when my VLs are still on pending mode. Am not sure what I’ll do should they be disapproved, from what I know the tickets are non-refundable.

*** Might be working on my birthday w/c kinda sucks, am still contemplating on what to get for myself lol. A choice amongst a pink skateboard (need to replace my blue one); a hot pink 10.1 mp samsung digicam; a pink notebook; samsung’s omnia or sony’s x1.

*** sigh ***

23 on the 23rd … presents are very much appreciated. lol!

Am I too good a person? I sometimes ask my self if I’m too good to be true. I’ve been living life in a safe environment, obeying the rules in life, always prim and proper. I would really be in a total shock if I were to get some jail records on file because I’ve never gone to jail. But it’s nice to go and break the rules sometimes; it gives you a sense of freedom that can never be replaced.

23 on the 23rd … presents are very much appreciated. lol!

Something stupid like … I love you (lol!!). Me and my blabbermouth was on the loose again. A year ago I asked (quite impulsively) Are you falling for me? (assuming noh?!!) well the answer I got was sweet and cute … I think it went over my head … (did it?). It was nice though … now after a year … with all its changes both good and bad … and I waited for a year to make sure I know what I want and am sure of how I feel. Did a few turns here and there but it didn’t work … it was kinda unfair to the other party for using him to test my emotions … but a girl’s gotta make do with what she has.

So after talking to one of my besties I asked yet another assuming question. The response I got a year ago still holds true so I said … if I said I want you…if I said I need you…if I said I love you…what would you do? … its a conditional (defensive!!) question because of the word if … and I was told there was only two way to go … he’d stay or he’d run away.

Now am not sure under which side he’s response would fall under bec. it was neither … I blurted the question out w/o really thinking of the pros and cons, was taunted by the question tossed towards me … would I rather sit back and keep mum and contemplate on what could have been …. so there, I asked and was answered. I don’t even know how to face him when I bump his way … thinking bout it, my cheeks are already burning bright red.

Diva once told me he’d always tell that person how he feels and take it from there, at least he knows where he stands and then move on. I’ve laid down my cards and its up to him on how he’d take it. Good or bad … there’s always time and room for moving on.

Just a series of what if’s … no definite ending.

23 on the 23rd … presents are very much appreciated. lol!

I brought this to myself out of sheer impulse and now I think am loving it. So how busy can a person get? Am busy not cause I got promoted (hahah very unlikely) but because I just enrolled in a crash course. So on a daily basis here’s my somewhat routine.

1:30 AM - 10:30 AM : Working as a human switchboard

11:00 AM to 1:00 PM : You’ll find me in the gym (after a month’s hiatus am finally back; still trying to lose weight lol!!)

1:30 PM to 3:00 PM : Facing my notebook

3:00 PM to 5:00 PM : Dozing off

5:00 PM to 6:00 PM : Preparing for school

6:00 PM to 7:00 PM : Somewhere uptown grabbing dinner and waiting for the class to start

7:00 PM to 9:00 PM : Class

Around 9:30 PM to 1:00 AM : Sleeping in the lounge (my new home lol!!!)

1:30 AM : Comes the human switchboard

RD on Fridays and Saturdays but a full time Grad School stud on the whole of Saturday and then back to work Sunday morning. Whew!!

Busy eh? Heheeh then I gotta insert a few meet ups here and there … a few food trips with peeps from work … a few malling every now and then.

Lovelife? waaaaaaaaa no room for it. Think am heading towards spinstersville … lol!!

I haven’t been able to get enough sleep these past few days … work, stress at home, school and who knows what else has kept me busy. The effects are of this are visible on my countenance especially with the growing visibility of acne on my face, my ill tempered manner and who knows what else. Chocolates and cakes can’t seem to eradicate my stress and I dunno what will.

Talked to Kitoy via IM earlier seeking his opinion on my plan of getting a house for myself. Just like those previous opinion I sought from him, there’s always those questions that I need to answer, questions that I find myself with no answer. So this time was no different, it end to the statement that am too impulsive. Impulsive yeah I know, heck my notebooks are proof to that but adding the word “too” just before it, ’twas shocking.

I want a house (take note I used the word want and not need) because living in this house with my uncle is one hellish experience. I don’t have as much freedom and solitude.

But are these reasons valid enough to make myself commit to a very long term housing loan?

I’ve talked to Brad and Kitoy, there’s just about 6 persons I need to talk to before I make up my mind.

The past few days found me crying miserably guess I just miss my mom and am miserable knowing that in my loneliness she’s no longer around to give me comfort that in my mishaps she’s no longer around to give me her sound advice. I mess up at work lately, I was on VL last Sunday for the nth time only to find out that it ticked the hell out of other people, I was on half day last Monday and on VGH after only two hours of working. I went to work with swollen eyes … the reason why I went half day. I can barely open my eyes and I’ve never seen them that swollen, when I arrived in the office one of the team leads jokingly asked, am I bitten by bed bugs again … I said yeah.

But we both knew better. When I went on VGH it was already daylight, I didn’t like the idea of going out and have people stare at my face so I went to the lounge and curl up into a ball and sleep.  If only I had one of those fashionable womens sunglasses I would have had the nerve to go home without fear of being stared at.

I was miserable and I guess I still am, but my problems shouldn’t interfere with my work and I’ll try my damnedest to follow that mantra.  I guess its never to late to start over.

I was with someone who loves good food and cakes, yep Doi is such a sucker for pastries and sweets. Naturally when am alone at home I live by a mugful of coffee and crackers but with her I ate a lot … and I do mean a lot as she loves to eat and damn its contagious.

So while we were doing our shopping spree we ran into a weighing scale, just drop 1 baht coin stand on it and it’ll give you your weight. Guess what? I earned 3 kgs., can you believe that? from 52 kgs am now 55 kgs …. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

This is the downside to travelling … I always gain weight when I go “laag” … but it was all worth it.

Yep, you got that right … a white macbook … for me. Bought it earlier with Doi after spending the day shopping at Chatuchak (bangkok’s weekend market). Got it at iStudio in Siam Paragon … the conversation with the people there was not so good … language barrier and all but in the end I got what I wanted and as I type this, my new baby is getting charged upstairs.

Am a certified coffeeholic!! Yeah, used to have a notebook once that states “Coffee Addict” on the front cover and my student asked … why’d do you like coffee so much? I said it tastes loads better than beer.

My addiction to coffee started about a year earlier than I started drinking beer, making that around 13 years old …. rough estimate … I started drinking beer at the age of 14 and a half and quit at the age of 21. I love coffee plain and simple … with sugar and cream. It served as my tonic during those long weeeee hours of studying for major exams, during those long  nights of working on papers and other projects and it still serves as my tonic as I work online during the day and during the night.  I was told by a friend once that its amazing how I drink loads of coffee but don’t smoke, apparently they’re s’pose to go hand in hand.

At the age of 12 I had my first mug, nothing special about it … its plain looking but it was a gift so I treasured it. As years wore on, during seminars and school activities and parties what used to be a favorite give away were those cute mini coffee mugs tied with a ribbon and had a customized print on the body. I had loads of those … it became a habit as years wore on that everytime I drop by the glassware section of a mall I almost always end up buying one. Different color, size and design.  Today was no exception … I was looking for a huge one … wherein you can place at least three regular mugful servings in it. I found two actually, one was smaller than the other but it has a very cute packaging … the round container it came in was to die for so I bought it. The other one was what I was really looking for, tall,  can contain 500 ml of coffee and with cute graphics on the body.

Those two above are the mugs I bought earlier … I don’t need two but I can’t decide which one to buy so I bought both. Hehehehe … to add to my collection.

It’s like if ashtray is to smokers then its coffee mugs to coffee addicts like me!

When I thought its all in the past, I thought wrong. The pain I felt a year ago which made me cry like a baby on the floor reoccurred, the only consolation I have is the fact that am on vacation leave so I get to spend time letting my ear rest for a while. Otitis Media, that’s what the doctor said and he was the same doctor I saw last year and just as he said he reminded me again, its either you resign or lose your hearing. How scary can that be?

I’ll think this through … people would say what’s there to think about? Go pack and hit the road … alrighty .. easier said than done.

Used to believe what you don’t know won’t hurt you and I still do really. But sometimes friendships are not always as black and white as they might to you, sometimes both parties are just not on the equal footing.

Or maybe its my fault for getting judged the way she did, maybe I tell her too much or maybe she has a different scale of what qualifies for being called a mature person and which one falls short.

And maybe I just think highly of her and of what she thinks and values as someone I can call a close friend that when I read what she said it made me cry.  That once again is being immature I guess from her perspective … where can I find friends who’ll just damn accept you for what you are and not treat you any less?

I feel like I’ve been the given the worst review ever from someone I least expect it.

On the side note … the hell with what she thinks, we’re friends at least I think we are but then again people are born to have that instinct to judge wittingly or unwittingly and she can have all her say, that’s her opinion after all. But am not living my life according to standards set by others; am living it the way I see fit and quite frankly am comfortable to say am not doing a bad job.

My first class was okay, I mean it went well. Other than the fact that I tried buying a drink only to find out that I left my freaking wallet at home. What a shame!!!

The second class was okay I guess, I seem to run out of adjectives here, but it was okay really, Mykerts and I are in the same class and I’m taking over the second half of her report which am gonna deliver next Saturday.

My third subject is Music in Special Education, our professor is a musical genius. No Kidding!!! Has a bachelors degree in Music, Masters in Musicology and a Ph. D. in Ethnomusicology and at the same time a degree in Music Therapy.

She started playing the piano at the age of 3, was able to read musical notes first before the letters of the alphabet, finished college at the age of 17, was sent to Germany and Melbourne on scholarships and has had orchestral lectures all over the world. Her first grandchild, a 9 year old boy, is now Austria on a scholarship, at the tender age of 9 he’s already conducting orchestras!!!

The downside : Her marriage was a failure.

One of the things she shared with us, she can’t seem to stop competing against her husband. She wants to be on the one on top, she joined the US Navy coz her husband was in the Navy and became a Lt. Col. by rank and is a master marksman. Whew!!! She said her gift was never much of a blessing but a curse, she never had a normal childhood.

So on our discussion we were given hand outs and as there were only 8 of us, students, she asked each one of us to read one paragraph and then we’d discuss. I was the first.

Are you a graduate of CNU? I said, “No”
Are you an English major? I said. “Yes”
Are you an English teacher? I said, “No”

What are you doing now? I said, “Am working in a call center.”
Why are you wasting your time in that job? I was muted!

We discussed and I find her course requirements quite impossible to achieve.
A portfolio and a recital. The recital’s not gonna be us but we’ll have to look for special children and teach them music for the recital.

So teach the blind to play the guitar, or teach the deaf mute to dance and what not. I know this can be done, after all I took SPED to teach Special Children. What am scared of is where I’ll get the time to meet them, where I’ll get the patience to endure, and what am I gonna teach?

Damn!!! I don’t play any musical instruments, I can sing in the comforts of my bathroom, I can sign a bit but thats about it. Gosh!!! Reminds me of what Carrie said … “I’m worth nothing.”

He filed for the wrong dates and though we have some of the dates in common but spending 14K for tickets alone is just not worth it for a 3 days stay in HK.

He said to let him know whatever it is I’ve decided and I said am not going. Its too hard to plan an itinerary when the person you’re going with is living one plane ride away from you. We’d be taking different flights on different airlines and meet at the airport. Isn’t that ironic?

~~~~~~~~

Someone called earlier while I was in the shower, my first actually to answer a call in the middle of rinsing my hair. She said she got an email from the airline company stating the major changes on our flights to Bangkok, instead of having the direct route, we’d have a stop over by Manila back and forth. She was pissed off I could tell and since the airline offered a refund for the tickets, heck after all the many changes we’ve gone through a refund is far from okay; she’s canceling it out, the only reason why she didn’t cancel before was because those tickets were non refundable but now that they are … she’s grabbing it.

I was disappointed!! I hate it … and now am canceling too … how can I go to Bangkok alone?

Am so pissed I could kill anyone!!!

I was curious on the origin of my name, my mom has not told me that much other than it means famous, a friend and joy. Hmmm … as I grew older I realized that in King Arthur there was a princess who has the same name as mine. So that means my name is as old as time, and I guess not so unique too.  Princess Rowena, isn’t that royal? Well there’s nothing royal about me, now I have a friend whose about to give birth to a baby girl and up till now they haven’t decided on what to name her yet. So I googled online for baby girl names and meanings to see anything special and unique to suggest.

Mom used to joke around saying that she wanted to name me Agatha Christie after her favorite writer but my aunt won’t have none of it and she wouldn’t allow me to be named Ezra, after the poet Ezra Pound. So I dunno who came up with my name but it was something they both agreed on.

Too bad kids won’t have any say on the matter, tsk tsk … imagine what its like if babies get to select their names. I would have asked my mom to name me Glaeken, now that’d cause trouble as far as the pronunciation goes but damn I love that name. Especially the way it rolls out when I say it out loud. Weeeee but am happy with the birth name they’ve given me at least its not something so obsolete from the almanaqui.

I’ve been going to the gym for the past three days consecutively and in the course of going there I’ve met TJ (a friend, former mentor and colleague) and we’ve talked a good deal about school, career and future plans as far as where our course would take us. He’s working in a SPED learning center and fully utilizing his license as a professional teacher unlike me who just let my license rot in my wallet. Talking to him made me feel empty and and I realized this guy has experienced more than I have when I became a licensed teacher way ahead of him and now he’s fully using what we’ve learned in our masteral course while I on the other hand continue to rot mentally, physically and emotionally. *sigh*

He asked me why am still not leaving the company am with now and start teaching, I told him I dunno … fear of the unknown perhaps? Not knowing what awaits me in the teaching world. He said, you gotta sort things out in your time before its too late. Yeah yeah I know … and I will but not now. Right after work earlier I went straight to the gym and was doing my walks on the treadmill when this guy who was also on the treadmill right beside mine approached me right when I was done and said with a smile on his face that I strut and somehow made the treadmill my runway. I was flabbergasted, and totally lost all command of speech, I stared at him face  blank, he smiled and left.

Lesson learned: Use the treadmill on the farthest corner. Grrrr… Of all things to say … he had to tell me I strut.

When my boss asked earlier how my notebook was told him its still the same, he asked what the technician did to it and I said he was hesitant to reinstall the whole OS as I have loads and loads of files on it. We didn’t mention names which was funny but we are on equal footing as to who the technician was, it lead to a point where we joked around him not being microsoft certified. Hahaha as if being an MCSE is an easy feat not only is it difficult its costly as well though am sure he’d love to be one.

Officially on hiatus … sorry guys. My notebook’s busted, my DSL connection is acting up, school’s fast approaching and am just terribly busy. Will catch up with yah guys sooooooooon!!

Way back last year when I was still thinner (I’ve grown humongous in the couple of months) to have a nude painting of myself done (whew!!), but just like before looking for a portrait painting artist can be challenging. Used to know of someone who paints, he’s the son of a good friend of mom’s, we’re not close but we definitely know each other. When he arrived from the US and that topic was brought up I got scared and said I’ve changed my mind, the reality of actually doing it hit me full force in the head and it was scary knowing that I’d be bumping into him every once in a while seeing that they’re like a family friend. Was thinking that should I do it the artist is gonna be a complete stranger that once its over I wont be seeing him again at least not intentionally. But thats far from fruition as of now as I’ve said I’ve grown humongous and am not just imagining this, friends from work said so and damn quite a lot of my clothes are no longer fitting me.

Talked to Doi when I came in I was loads early for my shift so we got ample time to chitchat which brought the topic of her planned trip to Thailand, its basically a business trip as she’s going there with her business partner to shop for stocks for their RTW business. Now me being me, said I’d like to go and to make the story short I filed for leave (again!!!) on July 31st to August 8th. Planned on purchasing the tickets earlier but dilly dallied a bit as I was still informing my beloved aunt and wait what she has to say.

What she had to say was quite a mouthful if I may say so. She pointed out, “I can support you month per month should you decide to stop working and just do whatever you want, but what I cannot give you is the long term benefits the company is giving you which you obviously took forgranted.

Life didn’t stop when your mom left so unless you’ve figured out what you want to do with your life I suggest to stick with what you have and work on unclattering your clattered mind. “

Whew!!! that was a mouthful … and she’s right am not sure what I want, thats my biggest dilemma as of the moment figuring out what I want. Going to Thailand is like a dream come true and its within my grasp that I know but am not sure yet if my VL’s gonna be approved.

In an email exchange with Lex she said to just stick with the job still until I know what I want and is done with my masters besides I have friends here am sure gonna miss if I leave.

On her email :

“Btw, tell whoever he is about how you feel.. Set yourself free. hehehe
bahala xa it’s his loss kung dili xa karealize sa imo importance.”

Weeeeeee … I can only imagine the look on his face if I decide to spill my guts … that big WHAAAATTTTTTTT??? and the blank look and hopefully a beautiful smile and not a freaking rejection.

When I sold my 2nd notebook to a good friend what I had in mind was getting a mac book (black) or a Pink Sony Vaio. Upon going to Singapore I had every intention of getting one, was at the Digitalife Mall and checked on the prices when my aunt said, I can’t get a mac because she’s using one and we’re not of the same level plus should I have problems with it when I get home I don’t have friends who can fix it for me. So I said I’d like to have the Pink Sony Vaio, she said anything beyond 13.3 inches display is huge and pink is just so out of her league. Am the one whose gonna use it and why should she care? But then again its her money so I had my mouth zipped. What I got instead is an HP Pavilion tx 2000 Entertainment Notebook PC.

My 3rd notebook in a span of 7 months though its not colored pink but I love it nonetheless, made a promise to keep this for at least another 6 months maybe longer … whew!! As much as I’d loved a Pink notebook but as this is a gift I’d cherish this for good.

Since I have let my feelings known to you, I am thinking of no one else but you; Exaggerated but true.

You said that it might just be my imagination and I am just in the middle of confusion but I can’t teach myself what to feel; all I know it’s real.

I am sometimes holding back my emotion,

Because I have a notion that this will just end up to frustration, but holding it is not the solution; I must face it with full preparation…

Just wanna let you know that I have been thinking a lot about you

~A good friend of mine from work posted this on his Multiply Site, with his permission am posting it here. He’s told someone of how he feels but this person doesn’t seem to believe him. Friends laughed at me because am obviously nuts about him hahaha only the poor creature doesnt have a clue (toinks!!) I was advised to do the same to just spill my guts out after all its the 21st century. But then am way too scared to be rejected … so .. so .. I’d rather keep it to myself ~

Had a call from my boss earlier today and I was informed that there were sudden changes with the schedule. Yesterday I was told I’d be back to work by Monday at 1:30 AM but with the sudden change it’d be later, 1:30 AM Sunday. *sigh* The change is fine, going back to work is inevitable unless of course I decide to go AWOL but then I have 2 years of working experience down the drain as a consequence if I do that.

The truth is I just don’t want to go back, right before my LOA I was hoping that in time I’d miss the job but damn it that never happened so here I am hours away from my shift feeling miserable. Am just not ecstatic of the thought of going back. *sigh*

Friends told me if I just don’t feel like it anymore to just go quit but coward as I am, am scared to do that … venturing into the unknown is just not my forte.

So here comes … Thank You for calling _______ my name is blah, may I have your name please …

Tuesday night I found myself at Starbucks working on my research proposal due Wednesday first thing in the morning. Had lunch with Mitchy, Aisat and D at Breakfast Club were they left me when they head back to the office. Saw sunrise as I continued working on what seemed like an impossible paper, the wifi signal there was strong compared to that at Starbucks and its free too. Was in constant communication with a few friends on the floor and to my surprise Wafa and Bukie had a huge fight and just as always *sigh* like with the Creepy One and the Gamay I was the pseudo-counselor. Wafa had to keep asking me whose side am on and I keep reminding her no one’s. The good thing was with food I was able to appease her raging wrath and now hehehe they’re back on track with a few glitches that need smoothening out but at least they’re ok.

Wafa said am making her the subject of what I learned from my psychology and guidance class … only difference is the class was intended for exceptional children and the way I see aside from her wrath she was quite normal. Wahehehe.

My final examination for Psych and Guidance was a blast, it was a good thing I didn’t attempt to read all those handouts from the reports it would have been a huge migraine. So two subjects done, one more to go this Saturday and hopefully I’ll be able to convince my professor to let me go home earlier than the rest what with my flight to Singapore coming up. Weeeeeeee … shopping for friends and myself sure is number 1 on the list.

Talked to Kitoy online and just as always he has been a good listener to my trivialities. Told him of the dilemma am in … of 5 bears(I’d like to think of them as koala bears) that’s causing havoc to my emotions. So lets begin with #1.

#1 - is a good friend, has shown me he cared since time immemorial, I was like the lil sister he was never blessed to have. Others who have seen as together thinks there’s something going on but as far as were both concerned, were friends nothing more nothing less.

#2 - is another good friend, he came at the darkest hours when things were just so messed up I had to pause before entering the elevator to put on my facade of nonchalant merriment. He might not know it but he has changed the way I think about life from absolute nothingness to every bit of hope there is out there. Has been sweet and kind and supportive. Those kind of people who arrived to help you out to make you see things are gonna be okay in the long run but when there task is done would just leave you bit by bit.

#3 - is the childhood friend, treated me like the baby sister he never have, the older brother I looked up to. After 22 years of nothing but friendship he told me he’d wanna marry me. (Ooooopppppssss … where did that come from?)

#4 - is another friend, a good friend of number 1 who accdg. to rumors (we shouldn’t really believe them) likes me but is willing to shut his mouth up as he thinks his friend the number 1 likes me. (Talk about good intentions)

#5 - is still another good friend (they all are), a sucker for music, can finish my sentences the same way I can finesh his, expressed his feelings towards me but assured me in the long run that he would always be around no matter what happens. Sweet.

Told Kitoy of numbers 1,2 and 3 but not of 4 and 5. What’s a girl s’pose to do when all she wanted was for who she wants to just say it … (dimelo)

It was 1PM, finally am on with my last subject for the day, a good 1 hour of discussion as there’s the orientation program at 2PM that we need to attend. The discussion went smoothly with interaction from my classmates who were just more than willing to share their ideas … the usual me just keep mum. She did throw out a question, and luckily I was able to give out an answer but that didn’t stop her from sharing to the class her observation of me and my passive demeanor.

She said, ” I don’t mean to pry Ms. Yee but seeing you since the first day made me think that you’re one of those people who no matter how crowded the place is you’re somewhat alone with your thoughts if not lonely.” I was speechless, she continued, ” Don’t get me wrong I know you’re paying attention to the discussion and that you’re understanding it but it doesn’t stop me from seeing thats there’s more to that silence. Its like you’re lonely in a crowd”.

Now the class had their eyes on me and all I can do was smile, that must have been her cue as she resumed her discussion, stirring the topic away from me and back on the lesson at hand. It was eerie knowing how transparent I was to her despite me being a complete stranger. I wouldn’t mind hearing those words from friends who knew what I went through and am still going through but from her it was completely off balance.

She finished psychology and a doctoral on guidance and counseling and I “blame” that for her accurate, way too accurate insight. I’ll be seeing her again tomorrow and hopefully she wouldn’t venture the subject of me being lonely in a crowd again.

9 units for the summer is such a brain drain, especially if your professors knew to the core what they’re doing. My first class, all about the research process, is causing me terrible bouts of migraine but I welcome it. I’ve given her my problem, we have to select one of the three we’ve come up with and give out a brief rationale, you know just a draft. Showed her my work, (she has time for everybody) and she asked me questions that took me a while to figure out an answer. Its like being crossed-examined and she reminds me of a professor I had back then in the undergrad still in the same subject who offered me a scholarship in Literature for my masters which didn’t come to fruition seeing that am taking SPED instead.

Psychology and Guidance aint so bad but the professors kinda hellish, am given my topic already for discussion and boy doesn’t she have lots of requirements. What scares me is that this subject is s’pose to be taken alongside Intro to Special Education w/c unfortunately I have not enrolled. I’ll take it next semester, she said am taking a very high risk of taking Psych first but its all up to me.

She’s a challenge and I’ll prove to her I can do it, after all am on LOA, no work to worry about … only school, school, school … and the desire to graduate by March.

My research class went pretty well, the professor’s brilliant with a few pronunciation glitches but her experience was pretty vast. The discussion was superb and though I still have problems keeping up, sleep and all (after close to two years of turning the clock around its hard to reverse it in a swing). In between yawning and a few head scratching then am able to understand what was discussed.

The first task was to come up with three possible problems that we might develop our output on. There’s not much of us in this class so the output is to be done individually, a research proposal submitted at the end of the course. Some of my classmates were having issues coming up with one let alone three but mine when she checked it, ’twas all an affirmative nod plus she just told me to develop all three.  Was I just lucky or what?

I think I’ll ace this, she’s amazing and I still have my head firmly attached on my shoulders and with the big guy’s help I know I’ll make it.

With the calculations Jyn and I made, we might “graduate” this March given that I take 12 units (quite an overload) during the next two semesters. Am not even sure they’d allow me to take the Intensive Practicum w/ Technical Writing along side Inferential Stat and one Cognate course.

I still have 24 units remaining while Jyn has 21 … not really in a rush but more of wanting to learn more to escape, yeah thats the operative word, from this harsh reality.

My first class was all about the Research Process, the professor arrived kinda late but thats the usual when its the first day of class. She has this homely face, a doctoral degree and a vast experience on research both in the academe and in public administration.

The usual chitchat went through the class the dreaded question of all times. The unending series of why’s … why’d you enroll in SPED and why enroll in the subject now? I have never been good at coming up with a last minute lie so I bluntly stated, it was in the prospectus and its was offered this summer so why not take it? (that question was rhetorical in nature). As far as studying SPED, I don’t know … to be honest with you am enrolling this summer hopefully to remember my reasons for studying again.

‘Twas a disaster, *sigh* if I can turn back time I would have said something else. The look on my professor’s face was utterly comical and pitiful at the same time. Somehow at the split second she was as lost as I was.

Hate it, feeling so lost in a limbo, am not even sure if what am doing is making any sense.

Got another class this afternoon: Psychology and Guidance Counseling in Special Education, and I have no idea what to expect but should I be asked the same why questions I already have the perfect alibi. Wouldn’t wanna make the same mistake again now, would I?

Was at school yesterday wrapping up my enrollment, Mykerts and Julius were also there. When I arrived they were already done, and Mykerts said she’s sticking to With Thesis because shifting is complicated, we have to wait for the dean (who’s still in Davao) to sign the changing form before we can proceed with the enrollment. When I asked the secretary she said I can have the department chair sign the form and then have my subjects plotted.

After we ate I was on my own and yes I transferred from With Thesis to Non Thesis with a very solid reason, mental incapacitation, who is the department chair to dispute that?

If all goes well, since this masteral program has 42 units and with the 9 units am taking now, that’d mean I’ve taken a total of 18 units already. So I’ll have 24 units and am done,  most probably summer of next year. Mykerts and Julius want to pursue Doctoral degree in Education … am not sure I want to. But that could change, given my nature I might want to become an astronaut tomorrow.